An Angel Inspired

By Kate McCartney
A fellow NLP Master Practitioner, mentored by Sue Knight, Molly founded the Global Angels Foundation, an innovative international children and young people’s charity championing the needs of children in the UK and around the world.

Global Angels have a bold belief that they can turn things around. Molly says “Governments and their policies make some impact, but it’s only when the public at large become involved, that social justice and change can spread across a nation and eventually the world. It’s time for us to rise to the challenge and respond with new creative and innovative solutions to make the world a safer and kinder place for the children.”

Molly explains “Through my philanthropic work, I have met thousands of highly skilled and totally passionate charity workers who are outstanding in their dedication to making a difference in the lives of children in great need. I have had the privilege of observing and supporting many excellent and innovative projects. We have a wonderful opportunity to support them in their initiatives.”
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An Angel Inspired
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NLP Mirror and Matching; The Basis of Rapport and Communication Skills!

By John Santangelo


Can you remember a time when you met someone for the first time and it just seems to click? An instant bond between the two of you, an instant ‘like-ability’ or trust. You can literally FEEL, that connection!

That connection is called Rapport! It is the basis and foundation for every meaningful interaction between two or more people. Rapport is about establishing an environment of trust and understanding, to respect and honor the other person’s world. This allows the person the freedom to fully express their ideas and feelings and know they’ll be respected and appreciated by you. Rapport creates the space for the person to feel listened and responded to, even when you dis-agree with what the other person says or does. Each person appreciates the other’s viewpoint and respects their model of the world. When you are in rapport with another person, you have the opportunity to enter their world and see things from their perspective, feel the way they do, get a better understanding of where they are coming from; and as a result, enhance the whole relationship.

A 1970 study conducted by Dr. Ray Birdwhistle at the University of Pennsylvania concluded that 93% of our communication transpires non-verbally and unconscious. 55% of our communication is our physiology or body language, 38% is tonality or HOW we say our words, and only 7% is the content or words we choose to speak.

Researchers at the Boston University Medical School studied films of people having conversations. The researchers noticed that the people talking began (unconsciously) to co-ordinate their movements (including finger movements, eye blinks and head nods.) When they were being monitored using electroencephalographs, they found some of their brain waves were spiking at the same moment also. As the conversations progressed, these people were getting into a deeper level rapport with each other, and didn’t even have a clue to what was going on, this is because we communicate our ideas and concepts at this 93% UN-conscious level, but believe the words we speak actually hold the meaning to our communication.

NLP rapport skills teach us how to communicate at that unconscious level. Mirroring, matching, pacing and leading skills will enable you to become "like" the other person. Anthony Robbins stated: “People like each other when they tend to be like each other.” NLP teaches how to mirror and match that 55% physiology, 38% tonality and 7% predicates or process words.

The key to establishing rapport is an ability to enter another person’s world by assuming a similar state of mind. The first thing to do is to become more like the other person by matching and mirroring the person’s behaviors -- body language, voice, words etc. Matching and mirroring is a powerful way of getting an appreciation of how the other person is seeing/experiencing the world.

Some people find the idea of matching another person uncomfortable and they feel that they are trying to fool or take advantage of the other person. To overcome this uneasiness, realize that matching is a natural part of the rapport building process and that you are doing it unconsciously every day with your close family and friends. Each day gradually increase your conscious use of matching at a pace that is comfortable and ethical for you. Matching done with integrity and respect creates positive feelings and responses in you and others. Rapport is the ability to enter someone else’s world, to make him feel you understand him, and that there is a strong connection between the two of you.

The purpose of the following exercises is to provide some experience with the basic processes and procedures of modeling. They primarily focus on the information gathering phase of the modeling process, and cover a range of modeling skills, including "implicit" and "explicit" modeling formats, and the use of multiple perceptual positions to gather different types and levels of information about a particular performance.

Mirroring Exercise

Mirroring is a method of building a strong "second position" with someone else. It is a fundamental skill for modeling another person and for developing intuitions about the person's internal experience. To get a sense of the influence and effects of mirroring, try out the following exercise.

1. Choose a partner, or person to converse with. Do not tell the person initially that you will be mirroring him or her during the conversation.

2. Enter into a conversation with the person, asking for his or her opinions about various subjects.

3. As you are conversing, begin to subtly mirror the other person's physiology (including voice tone and tempo). [Hint: This can be most easily done in the context of 'active listening'; that is, reflecting back statements the person has made, by commenting, "So what you are saying is....", and then stating your understanding of the person's opinion.]

4. When you are fully mirroring, you will be sitting in the same posture, using the same types of gestures, speaking at a similar speed and volume, and in a similar voice tone range, as the other person. If you are completely mirroring the other person, you may even be breathing at the same rate and pattern as the other. Notice how it feels when you have reached this level of deep rapport.

5. One way to test your degree of rapport is by "second guessing" the other person's opinion on a couple of subjects that you have not yet discussed. Often mirroring will give you access to information that is being unconsciously communicated and received, and you will "pick up" information about the other person without being consciously aware of how you got it. This is why mirroring is such a powerful tool for modeling.

6. To get another sense of the influence mirroring and matching has on your interaction; try out abruptly mismatching the other person, in posture, gestures, voice tone and breathing. Both you and your partner should experience quite a jolt if you do this, and feel as if your quality of rapport has changed dramatically.

7. Before concluding your conversation and letting your partner in on what you were doing, make sure you have reestablished rapport by once again physically mirroring your partner. One way to help rapport to develop is to mirror the micro-behaviors of those we wish to influence. Any observable behavior can be mirrored, for example:


Body posture
Spinal alignment
Hand gestures
Head tilt
Blink rate
Facial expression
Energy level
Breathing rate
Vocal qualities (volume, tonality, rhythm)
Key word phrases or predicates
Anything else that you can observe…


To mirror another person, merely select the behavior or quality you wish to mirror, and then do that behavior. If you choose to mirror head tilt, when the person moves their head, wait a few moments, then move yours to the same angle. The effect should be as though the other person is looking in a mirror.

To mirror a person who has raised his right hand, you would raise your left hand (i.e. mirror image). To match this same person, you would raise your right-hand (doing exactly the same as the other person). Some practitioners see a time difference between mirroring and matching. For example, if someone makes hand gestures while they are speaking, you would wait until it was your turn to speak before making similar (matching) hand gestures.

The fact that you've read this far means that you can see the benefits of increasing your rapport skills. Reading is sadly not enough - practice is the key to building skill, so do the exercises. When you first start the practice of mirroring, you may have to pay some conscious attention to what you're doing. After a while, however, you will start to catch yourself doing it unconsciously. This is where you really begin to build rapport elegantly!

And at times when a gesture is idiosyncratic to that person or otherwise to obvious, you can do crossover matching. Meaning, if they adjust their glasses, and you don't wear any, then just move your foot. When you crossover match/mirror, you match/mirror a portion of the other person's body, with a different portion of your own body. This is best to do when you are matching someone's rate of breathing. You can use your finger to pace the rhythm of their breath. When matching or mirroring someone's voice, do that with their tonality, volume, and the rate at which they speak. And remember you don't have to do all of these things, just one or two will be enough to create rapport in most cases.

Skilled communicators have a wide range of behaviors they can mirror to build rapport. You can find a way to mirror virtually anything you can observe. When this is done elegantly, it is out of consciousness for the other person.


• However, a few notes of caution are appropriate:
• Mirroring is not the same as mimicry.
• It should be subtle and respectful.
• Mirroring can lead to you sharing the other person's experience.
• Avoid mirroring people who are in distress or who have severe mental issues.
• Mirroring builds a deep sense of trust quickly, so use it with responsibility.


Practice with friends and family members to start and begin to match different aspects of their posture, gestures, voice and words. Have fun with it and notice if they begin to respond to your matching. At work or social events, start by matching one specific behavior, and once they and you feel comfortable, begin to add on another. With people whom you already have a sense of rapport, notice how often you naturally match their posture, gestures, tone of voice or words, This is because matching and mirroring comes naturally. Your outcome then should be to create rapport with anyone at any given moment, having it become automatic whenever you wish to deepen that sense of rapport.

Exercise 1
Practice mirroring the micro-behaviors of people on television (chat shows & interviews are ideal.) You may be surprised at how quickly you can become comfortable as you subtly mirror the behaviors of others.

Exercise 2
Choose a safe situation to practice mirroring an element of someone else's behavior. When you have mirrored them for a while, and think you are in rapport with the person, scratch your nose. If they lift their hand to their face within the next minute or so, congratulate yourself - you have led their behavior!

Exercise 3
Increase the range of behaviors that you can mirror, and introduce deliberate rapport-building into situations where it will benefit you and others. Use your common sense and choose low-risk situations to practice in.)

Exercise 4
During a conversation with another person; choose one of their behaviors (e.g. breathing rate) to cross-over match with one of your behaviors (e.g. speaking rate.) Notice how quickly the sense of connection develops!

Backtracking is another excellent skill to learn in order to maintain and deepen rapport. When you are in conversation with another person, whether it be business or personal, take the opportunity to recite back to the person the information you’re receiving. This lets the person know that you were listening and you understand without judgment. It also allows you a chance to ensure your understanding and/or ask for clarification.

Backtracking is the thread that tightens and deepens rapport. Backtracking is repeating back the essence, not verbatim, of what the person is attempting to communicate. There will be times when you’re backtracking, and the other person will add on or correct you. Being corrected will only strengthen rapport because you’ll then backtrack again and have the person really feel you understand. There is also the possibility being corrected will cause you to lose rapport. However, losing rapport is just like losing your balance. You falter, recover, and get back into it again. When you do lose rapport you’ll find a way to regain it. There may also be times you want to be "out" of rapport with someone.

For example if it isn't healthy for you to be around certain people, you are held hostage at a cocktail party or you are doing it for effect. Typically people think the way to break rapport is to be demeaning or disagree. Although that may work I recommend mismatching. This means intentionally mismatch posture, breathing, key words/gestures, and voice quality. Rely on mismatching the nonverbal communication and you will be out of rapport. For those of you who like experiments try this: Disagree strongly and maintain rapport. Or agree completely while breaking rapport. And all experimenting should be done in a non-critical environment without judgment.

The key element in establishing, building, deepening and maintaining rapport is your ability to pay attention to the responses you receive. One presupposition of NLP, or assumed rules is; “Communication is the response we receive back, NOT our intention given.”

Lastly; behind any technique there must be an authenticity of caring and real concern for the other person. (See "Technicians Need Not Apply,"Anchor Point 1987.) If you practice these skills and have no real interest in the other person, rapport will not develop. If you don't pay attention to the other person it doesn't matter how proficient you become in your NLP techniques. It is the responses you get in return and your own flexibility that hold the ultimate power in establishing, maintaining and deepening rapport.






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NLP Mirror and Matching; The Basis of Rapport and Communication Skills!







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Neuro-Linguistic Programming Strategies

By Kurt Mortensen


One's thought patterns, beliefs and attitudes can be used to "preprogram" actual experiences that are yet to happen. NLP is very focused on how we think, what influences the way we think, and how we structure what we think. Subscribers to the science are encouraged to closely study and then model those individuals who do things well.

When studying them, you don't ask them how they did it-just what they were thinking when they did it. For example, if you asked Michael Jordan how to play basketball, he could give you a big list of dos and don'ts. He might outline a series of necessary drills, but that is not what NLP is about. Instead, you would find out how Michael Jordan perceives basketball in his mind. What are his beliefs and attitudes about basketball? When he makes a decision on the court, what is he thinking? NLP is made up of several different models, each then having different techniques associated with it. Let's break NLP down further and take a basic look at some of its major models.

Sub-modalities: The Five Senses

Perhaps the foundation is, simply enough, our five senses. Each of us takes in the world around us through our five senses: seeing, hearing, feeling (both tangible and emotional), tasting and smelling. Everything and anything we think about in life, and the resulting beliefs and attitudes we form, can be based on what we receive and then interpret through these sub-modalities. Taking it a step further, with the entirety of our life experiences encapsulated in our memories as we experienced them through our senses, we can recreate those experiences in our minds, alter them if need be and thus gain tremendous power over our thought patterns, beliefs and ultimately the outward manifestation of such through our capabilities and achievements. The way you structure these representations in your mind determines how you will respond.

Try a basic experiment. Picture someone in your mind you hold very dear to your heart. Now, in your mind's eye, enhance and intensify the colors of the image and observe how you respond. What happens when you turn up the volume of what has been said? What about if you visualize the image in shades of gray instead of color? For most people, "turning up" the colors or sounds also intensifies feelings, while turning them down diminishes those feelings. Cultivating your ability to fine-tune the way you perceive things, or the way your mind represents things, can be used to make powerful changes in your life. Once you realize that you can, in essence, create your world, you also realize that you also have the power to change it.

Meta-Model

A meta-model is a set of questions that are developed for the specific purpose of finding the exact meaning in a person's communication. For example, often when we communicate, we generalize, or we may even distort information or leave it out altogether-intentionally or unintentionally, consciously or subconsciously. Individuals who use meta-models are able to systematically verify and clarify both verbal and written communication in order to communicate even more clearly and precisely.

Sensory Acuity

Our thought processes are very closely tied to our physiology. For example, people can sense that you're happy, scared or angry without you even saying anything. Body language sends out strong cues about how we're feeling. That is, our posture, our eyes, our head position, etc. all say a lot about us. Most body language is fairly obvious, but sensory acuity takes these observations beyond the obvious and uses physical feedback in addition to verbal communication to be as discerning as possible. Verbal cues even give some suggestion of which sensory modality a person operates from most strongly. For example, if someone says, "I hear what you're saying" versus "I see what you mean," it suggests that his or her auditory sense is more dominant than his or her visual one. It is helpful to give this concept consideration since miscommunication can often simply result from two people trying to talk about the exact same thing, only in different ways. Some experts argue that if certain thought processes are reinforced enough, over a long enough period of time, they can actually alter a person's physiological state.

Milton-Model

The Milton-Model, named after Milton Erickson, the father of modern hypnotherapy, is a set of linguistic patterns that are designed to guide an individual without actually disrupting the way s/he is experiencing the particular activity internally. For example, the command "Recall a time when you were crying" doesn't dictate whether the person was sobbing uncontrollably or weeping softly in the memory. This skill of describing feelings, places, events and activities in a manner that is specific and yet still universal allows the user to develop rapport with his or her subject. It also helps move the subject into a trancelike state. As a result, the Milton-Model is commonly used to induce hypnosis.

Meta-Programs

Meta-programs are essentially the "looking glasses" through which we view the world. The classic "Is the glass half full or half empty?" is a perfect meta-program example. Meta-programs control our personality and therefore how we behave. For instance, do you tend to be more of an active or passive person? Do you focus more internally or externally on the world around you? Is your orientation more focused on the past, the future or the here and now? Two people may regard the exact same thing from totally different angles, to the extent that that "exact same thing" may actually become a very different thing altogether. For example, do you move towards your goals, or do you move away from the things that are not your goals? One may simply seem like an inverted restatement of the other, but each has its own distinct nuance.

Conclusion

Persuasion is the missing puzzle piece that will crack the code to dramatically increase your income, improve your relationships, and help you get what you want, when you want, and win friends for life. Ask yourself how much money and income you have lost because of your inability to persuade and influence. Think about it. Sure you've seen some success, but think of the times you couldn't get it done. Has there ever been a time when you did not get your point across? Were you unable to convince someone to do something? Have you reached your full potential? Are you able to motivate yourself and others to achieve more and accomplish their goals? What about your relationships? Imagine being able to overcome objections before they happen, know what your prospect is thinking and feeling, feel more confident in your ability to persuade. Professional success, personal happiness, leadership potential, and income depend on the ability to persuade, influence, and motivate others.

Kurt Mortensen’s trademark is Magnetic Persuasion; rather than convincing others, he teaches that you should attract them, just like a magnet attracts metal filings. He teaches that sales have changed and the consumer has become exponentially more skeptical and cynical within the last five years. Most persuaders are using only 2 or 3 persuasion techniques when there are actually 120 available! His message and program has helped thousands and will help you achieve unprecedented success in both your business and personal life.





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Neuro-Linguistic Programming Strategies






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How To Use NLP Seduction To Get More Girls!

By Brian S


Neuro-Linguistic Programming seduction, or NLP seduction as it is most often referred to is a new trend of techniques used to make you a total hit with the ladies, allowing you to become more confident, more dominant and teaching you to think like the opposite sex, in order to avoid their traps and defenses.

If that last part of the sentence above sounded like something from a tactical war training, well you’re not far from it. Because when dealing with the opposite sex, you actually partake in a “war” of gestures, thoughts, conditional and unconditional defenses and traps. If we’re to take the analogy one step forward, you could say that NLP Seduction is a weapon of mass destruction in this war theatre. NLP Seduction is so powerful that few get to learn to use it properly, but once you get to “Marine” status, you’re up for all the sweet combat loot you can get :).

NLP Seduction (and other fields of neuro-linguistic programming) is based on the fact that you can “program” your brain just like a computer, telling your unconscious to act the way you want it to act in specific situations. For example, with the help of NLP Seduction, you can train your mind not to blush when talking to a beautiful woman, or to be more confident in yourself when picking up someone of the opposite sex (and trust me, women have a 6th sense about our confidence..) and so forth. All this is achieved to the use of language, images, sounds and other sensory inputs.

One thing that NLP Seduction teaches us is that it’s quite important that you create a special rapport with someone you meet from the very first seconds. That’s why at this point, your confidence needs to be skyhigh and you need to let the opposite sex know you’re confident because you have something that others don’t (even if looks are not your forte). How to achieve this? By using NLP Seduction to control your language (both tone and what you say), gestures, stance and so much more.

Since NLP Seduction is such a complex technique, I took the freedom to make some research and find something that could clear up some (if not all) of your questions about it.



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How To Use NLP Seduction To Get More Girls!






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NLP – Six Simple Steps to Train Your Mind for Confidence and Success

By Pradeep Agarwal


The internal voice is the voice of the mind talking to us. Everyone has a voice inside of them that affects our success and failure. This is the most significant voice of all. The voice maybe encouraging us to try something that we haven’t done before or holding us back from us from situations where we feel we are likely to make a fool of ourselves. In this way, this conversation that we keep having with ourselves decides our level of confidence and accent.

The best way to use this internal dialogue to our advantage is to replace all the negative talk that the mind gives us with positive one. Every time you find yourself saying something negative, stop and think something nicer and more pleasant. Slowly, you will be feeling much more confident and cheerful and your accent will improve. As we go on practicing this, our belief in our capability will strengthen leading to higher success.

These are the 6 simple yet powerful steps you can implement today that will transform your negative thoughts into positive beliefs for better living.

1) First of all, you need to observe where the internal voice is coming from and decide its location.

2) Now try to go back to a situation in life where you were confident of yourself. Try to imagine yourself in that situation again. Remember what you felt, saw, heard and spoke as if it were happening right now. Try to recall your tone of voice. Monitor the changes between your usual voice and voice you had used in that situation and see whether the new voice is louder or softer, whether it is clearer and easier to understand, or whether the rate of speech is faster. When you accomplish this, put this new more confident voice in the location of the old internal voice.

3) Go back to all the negative statements that you tend to tell yourself. They maybe statements like:

‘I am not quite confident.’
‘I can’t give speeches.’
‘I will not be able to complete that project.’
‘I think I will never find anyone I can settle with.’



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NLP – Six Simple Steps to Train Your Mind for Confidence and Success







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NLP Techniques - How Do You Perform Them?

By Dane Bergen

NLP therapy is of a form of psychotherapy which draws on NLP techniques. Psychotherapists trained in these NLP techniques, are also trained in several other areas like cognitive therapy, and will draw from this as required. People come to these psychotherapists to change or ‘fix’ some area of their lives and the therapists use an NLP technique or several techniques to help them modify their internal language, so that they can reprogram the patient with more useful and productive internal motives.

The meta-model NLP technique is a set of specifying questions or language patterns designed to challenge and expand them limits to a person’s model of the world. This NLP technique is based on detecting the distortions, deletions and generalizations in the patient’s language. The NLP technique endeavors to pinpoint the reasons why something is bad in the patient, and then to change that meaning.

For example an NLP technique for a person with post traumatic stress disorder – the person might be saying something like ‘why did this happen to me?’. It is the psychotherapists job to find out what the patient’s meaning of ‘this’ is, and why it is so toxic to their mental state at the present time, then to the employ the NLP technique to alter the meaning of the event so that it is something more logical and manageable to the patient. In the patients mind, they might think that they caused the death of a loved one because they told them to go and get milk from the supermarket, and the person died in a car accident on the way there. This type of thinking is highly toxic and using the NLP technique the therapist should attempt to change it to something like – your husband died in a car accident which was in no way your fault, you can’t beat fate.

This NLP technique is highly valuable to any psychotherapist, but can also be beneficial to everyone who is interested in helping others or themselves. This is not the only NLP technique out there, many others do exist, and they are as valuable, of not more that this NLP technique. If you would like to learn more about any NLP technique then try this site, it helped me a lot.



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NLP Techniques - How Do You Perform Them?






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What is NLP?

By Roger Ellerton

As a certified NLP trainer, I am often asked ‘What is NLP?’

The term NLP stands for Neuro Linguistic Programming and was coined in the early seventies by John Grinder and Richard Bandler. They began their work by studying: Fritz Perls, psychotherapist and originator of the Gestalt school of therapy, Virginia Satir, well-known family therapist and Milton Erickson, a world-famous hypnotherapist. Their intention was to model outstanding therapists (i.e. identify patterns) in order that others could use these patterns to generate similar results. You may say that NLP is about identifying excellence, and then devising means for others to use those patterns to achieve similar results.

And NLP is more than that.

NLP also draws on earlier work, such as Ivan Pavlov’s conditioned reflexes (1904). In NLP this is called anchoring. You could say that NLP takes theoretical results developed by others and makes them available to you and me so that we can improve our lives and well-being.

And NLP is more than that.

NLP had its origins in therapy and is now applied in all areas of human endeavour - education, health, sports, business, and the list goes on. For a list of NLP books and audiotapes, please see www.renewal.ca/books.htm.

And NLP is much more than that.

Let us look at the terms Neuro Linguistic Programming.

Neuro refers to your brain and your neurology. It is about how you take in information. For example, you can use your eyes to see something. Other ways to experience an event include: hear, kinesthetic (tactile touch or emotional feeling), gustatory (taste) and olfactory (smell).

Linguistic refers to the language -- pictures, sounds, feelings (kinesthetic), tastes, smells and words -- that you use to remember a particular experience (or to forecast a future experience). For example, did you have breakfast this morning? When you remember having breakfast, can you see a picture in your mind, can you hear sounds (maybe a radio was on or someone said something to you), what about tastes and smells, how were you feeling - happy, tired, excited?

For a future experience, do you see yourself being successful? Or failing? The pictures, sounds, feelings, tastes, smells and words that you use to describe future experiences have a bearing on what actually happens! You do create your own reality!

Programming refers to your habits, patterns, programs, strategies, etc. If it is a workday, do you follow a particular pattern, as you get ready for work? Maybe you like to lay in bed an extra 5 minutes after the alarm goes off. Do you shower right away or have breakfast first? If you take time to look at what you do, I am sure that you will see a pattern that you follow in getting ready for work. If for some reason you do not follow that pattern, do you find yourself feeling that something is missing?

You have patterns, habits, strategies, programs for everything you do. Some of these patterns serve you, others do not - resulting in unwanted outcomes. You maybe fully aware of some of your patterns. You may become aware of other patterns only when someone else brings them to your attention. And you may choose to quickly forget about these patterns because you do not want to address that part of your life. And there are still other patterns that you are not aware of at all; yet they continue to influence how you look after yourself, communicate with others, etc. If the patterns serve you - generate positive results in your life - great! If you find that some patterns do not serve you, would it be useful to discover which patterns they are and to change them?

Question: Who put your patterns, habits, strategies, programs in place? You did! So who can change them? You can! First, you must be aware that you run these patterns. For me, this is one of the biggest benefits of NLP - become aware of the patterns, habits, strategies, programs that I have been running unconsciously and then use NLP techniques to change them so that I achieve the outcomes that I desire.

And NLP is MUCH more than that!

In subsequent articles, we will explore NLP in more detail, giving you insights as to how you function, how you communicate with others and how you can change your life, if you choose.



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What is NLP?





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